How to Stop Worrying – Methods From a Genuine Worrier
Heads up! Before you think that this article will take away your worrying or will completely stop you from being a worrier, it won’t. It will, however, give methods for controlling your worries. You will still have moments where you overdo it and think about situations years from now, but you will be able to bring yourself back to reality and into the present. No one is perfect and it is totally normal to worry about things, but, in order to stop it from ruining your day or week, you need to learn to recognize it and have tools to ground yourself again.
I have been a worrier for as long as I can remember. My mom always said I worried too much and my dad tells me he doesn’t have to worry because I do it enough for him! Haha. As a kid I worried about my grades, my health, my social life and friends. Worry was second nature to me. Today I still have worries, they’re just a little different. Now I think about finances, kids, my dreams, life and lots more. My mom used to say little kids, little worries. Big kids, big worries.
As a child you don’t have the experience or knowledge to look back and realize that those worries never helped with anything. They never prepared you enough for how you actually felt if something bad happened, all it did was take away your joy from the moment.
So, continue reading and find ways that you can overcome your worries and enjoy the moments in life. Experience happiness with your whole self and not let your mind wander into the future about things that may never happen.
Let’s begin with why we actually worry. When we understand it, we are better able to break the habit.
Why do we actually worry?
We worry because we somehow think that we can prepare ourselves for any possible scenario that may come up. If we are prepared then we don’t need to be fearful of it. We also worry because it seems like a better option than doing nothing and waiting for something to happen. But, does worrying actually protect us from our fears or does it lead us into unwanted stress, anxiety and potentially from moving forward in life?
After 38 years of experience with this I have determined that even when you think you have thought of every possible way the future could go, it won’t go any of those ways. Amazingly enough, EVERY SINGLE TIME, it will never be how you think it will. Circumstances change, people surprise you, and you cannot control what other people do or think so there is no way to predict it.
Worry is like a rocking chair, It gives you something to do but it never gets you anywhere. ~Erma Bombeck
Next, let’s check out some of the most common worries adults deal with.
What are you worried about?
Worrying about health
Throughout our lives we face different health challenges. Our bodies grow and change along the way. Maybe you go through periods of healthy eating, followed by times where life is busy and you eat out of convenience. Maybe you have medical issues or develop one in your life. Perhaps someone around you has health issues and you worry about them.
Worrying about finances
Finances cause a lot of worry in a person’s life. We ask questions like can we afford it? Will we be able to pay all the bills this month? Do we need to choose between groceries and hydro? Will we have enough money for retirement? If something happens, do we have enough emergency money saved up?
Worrying about social life
Our social lives are to enjoy, but worries manage to creep in? When you meet someone new or interesting and they don’t call right away. Moving to a new city or school and needing to make a whole set of new friends. Feeling like you don’t quite fit in with the crowd but not sure how to change things. Wanting to be honest with friends, but not wanting to hurt their feelings.
Worrying about family
As parents we worry about our kids, constantly. Am I making the best choices for them and will these choices benefit them? How will their life turn out? Have I prepared them the right way? Have I taught them the right things? We also begin to worry about our parents or siblings. How long will they be around, do they need extra help and if so can I give it to them?
Worrying about what others think
This is tough because most of us already know this is not a place to spend your worries. It should not matter what others think of us, only what we think of ourselves. However, at some point we all worry about what someone else thinks about us. Usually our spouse, coworkers or parents. We worry about if people like us, if we fit in, if they agree with what we do. If they are important to us, we usually look for their approval.
Worrying that it’s too good to be true
This is a big one. Picture when you have a glorious moment in your life. You are feeling exhilarated, excited, proud and ecstatic. What happens next? You begin to feel like maybe it is too good to be true or that the moment will not last. Rather than enjoying the moment, you let your worries of the future take over and can no longer enjoy the feeling.
You are not alone in your thoughts. The truth is we all experience worries and fears even if we try not to show it. When you begin to feel worried, just take a deep breath and try one of the methods below.
Methods: How to take charge of your worries
I am not a doctor, all I am is someone who worries a lot and has found ways that have worked for me to take charge of them and not let them run my life or stop me from doing the things I want in my life.
Method 1 – Realize and Be Present
This method is one I use when I have one time worries about the future or results. This is a great method to make a habit. It can be quick and get you out of your head fairly fast. First you need to realize you are going into a worrisome thought. The next thing to do is to bring yourself back to the present.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
- Have I done my best to get the desired outcome?
- NO? Would it help to take any additional steps before I begin to worry?
- YES? You can be happy you did all you could.
- Can I control what happens next?
- NO? Then worrying is literally completely useless.
- YES? Would it help to take any additional steps before I begin to worry?
This method has worked because it brings you back down to reality. If there is nothing else you can do, then worrying only makes you suffer twice. Additionally, you may not even need to worry at all. Secondly, by knowing that you have done all you can, there is no need to worry because you did your best.
Method 2 – Acknowledge and Analyze
This method is what I use when I can’t seem to shake a worry. More for something that is a long term worry or a recurring worry. For example, when you worry about your parenting decisions, or when you worry about your health. These tend to come back on random days or when you’re feeling down on yourself.
The purpose of this method is to acknowledge that it is a worry you have more often and will likely return. Then you can take a small amount of time, a couple minutes and analyze it. If I’m thinking about how I feel like I had a crappy parenting day and possibly scarred my kids for life, I ask myself what can I learn from it? How can I handle it better next time? Do I need to take a break? If it is a health issue that keeps rising, ask yourself what can I do better to eliminate this worry in the future? Is there anything I can start now to make myself healthier?
By asking these questions it addresses the worry immediately and by learning from it or coming up with a plan for the next time it arises, you can let it go.
Method 3 – Accept and Move On (AMO)
This can be a tough method to swallow but sometimes it is just what you need to do. You need to continue to try to use this method. Be in the present and ask yourself these questions.
- Can I change the outcome in any way right now?
- Can I solve this worry right now?
Although accepting something can take a bit of time, just keep telling yourself you can’t change it, or solve it right now and put it out of your head. If you continue to let it occupy your mind, it will stall you and prevent you from enjoying life. Don’t feel guilty moving on, you can choose to accept it and choose to be happier.
The three methods above are ones I use when I’m alone with my thoughts but there are more options to help cope with your worries. Here are some more tips if you still find yourself struggling.
Extra Tips: How to cope with worries
No matter what you try, work at it because the worry habit tends to continue to come back. Eventually it will be something you can control and you will realize how much more you are capable of when you are not worrying.
- Talk it over with a friend – someone honest and realistic
- Change your scenery, go for a walk and break up your thought process for a bit
- Don’t give up, habits take time to overcome
- Breathing exercises – extremely helpful when your worries begin to make you anxious
- Challenge your thoughts (article from helpguide.org), keep a healthy mindset
- Ask yourself what advice you would give to a friend who had this worry
Additional Resources
If you feel like you cannot control your thoughts or worries at all or they are making you anxious, call your doctor and talk to them about it. Don’t be ashamed about how you feel. Everyone needs extra help in their life. Be proud that you have determined where you needed that extra help, then get it. You will be helping yourself and maybe even others in the future. Live your happy life! You can do this!
Anxiety Canada – resources and articles
Mindshift CBT – (part of Anxiety Canada) an app to help you take charge of your thoughts and anxiety, includes a group forum for support from others.
Mental health support – government of Canada website with additional resources and phone numbers
Final Take away and next steps
Don’t miss the sun today worrying about the rain coming tomorrow. ~Unknown
When we worry we are trying to protect ourselves or prepare ourselves for something we cannot control. Sometimes worrying feels like a productive use of our time, like planning. But it isn’t. Think about things you have worried about in the past and then how things actually turned out. Did worrying help or did it just add stress and drain you of energy? Is it helping or are you just suffering twice? And, quite possibly are you suffering when it may not even be necessary.
Question whether your worries are necessary, realistic or within your control. Find a support system of people who can be honest with you and help bring you back to the present. Get some tools (habits) you can train yourself to use. Worrying is a habit and it can be broken.
Believe in yourself and believe in the power of your mind. If it can convince you to worry about something, it can also convince you to NOT worry as well.
Print off this free quote page with 15 powerful quotes about worrying. Sometimes all we need is a gentle reminder to bring us out of our head and back into the moment. You got this!
