What To Say To Someone Who Failed
Failure is a universal experience that can leave us feeling vulnerable and disheartened. As someone who has navigated the rocky terrain of failure and emerged on the other side, I understand the importance of offering genuine support and encouragement to those who have failed along their own paths. There are effective ways to uplift and empower individuals in the moments after failure. Ways that support them while being completely genuine and authentic.
I vividly recall a moment of failure during a speaking presentation at a high school and I was tasked with sharing my experiences in a summer company program. I found myself stumbling over my words and forgetting my place mid-speech. The silence that followed was deafening. Following my talk was a high school student speaker who delivered a polished performance with charisma and confidence. It left me feeling embarrassed and inadequate.
In the aftermath, I dealt with more than just the failure itself. It was the reactions that cut deep—the deafening silence and the well-intentioned but ultimately empty reassurances of “it wasn’t that bad.” These responses only added to my sense of failure.
The Impact of Reactions
Silence can be just as damaging as empty reassurances when responding to someone else’s failure. Rather than adding to feelings of lack of confidence, we have to try to provide genuine support and encouragement. By acknowledging the person’s feelings or offering a listening ear, we can create a good space for them to process their emotions and regain their confidence.
Reflecting on my own experience, I’ve come to realize the importance of offering genuine support and encouragement to others who have faced similar setbacks. Here are some insights on what to say—and what not to say—to someone who has failed.
What not to say to someone who failed
We’ve all been in a moment of failure, so we know how it feels afterward. We want to crawl into a hole and wish it all away or try to turn back time to do it over. No doubt, you’ve had the same reactions I had above.
“Silence”
We were all taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” We reason with ourselves that nothing was good about what we attempted, and since everyone else agrees, they refrain from talking to us.
The silence of no feedback acts like a confirmation that we failed. Although there is no way we can confirm what other people are thinking, we let ourselves believe it. That is why it is always important to find something good about the person and let them know.
“It wasn’t too bad.”
Understandably, the person who tells us this is usually a friend or colleague trying to help. But the truth is that we know they’re just saying it to be nice. Once again, this confirms our feelings of failure. Instead, acknowledge their disappointment and offer genuine empathy.
What to say to someone who failed
Don’t believe the following words will instantly make the person feel better. It won’t; they usually need a little time to process things and regain control of their own thoughts.
“I’m sorry that didn’t go as planned.”
This gives them the time and space to deal with their emotions while still being supportive. Acknowledging the individual’s feelings and allowing them space to process their emotions is crucial. By being sympathetic and understanding, you validate their experience without minimizing their feelings.
“Let me know how you feel.”
This opens up the conversation for them to share as much or as little as they want. Opening up the conversation and providing a listening ear can be incredibly valuable. If they open up to you, listen to them. If they give a quick “no, I’m okay” answer, it means they need more time to process it all. It’s a great way to offer support without judgment.
“It’s okay to feel disappointed.”
This is pure support. Remind the individual that their feelings are valid and that it’s natural to feel disappointed after experiencing failure. By offering reassurance and support, you help them navigate their emotions more easily.
Be Genuine
It can be difficult to say the right thing sometimes. Even when we think what we say will help someone, we don’t know how they will take it. The most important thing is to be genuine, honest and compassionate. Even if what you say doesn’t come out right, eventually, the individual will understand that your words came from a place of caring.
Moving Forward
Our confidence can be shattered in moments of failure, leaving us feeling lost and alone. However, by offering genuine support and encouragement, we can help others find the strength to persevere. Failure is not the end—it’s an opportunity for growth and learning. Let’s lift each other up, celebrate our failures, and embrace the journey toward success together.
Comment and share your experiences with failure and how others supported you through challenging times in the comments below.
Let’s redefine how people view failure and build a community of resilience and encouragement, where failure is not feared but looked at as a stepping stone toward achieving your goals. You’ve got this! Defy your doubts!
