When Guilt Punches You in the Gut

You don’t plan to lose it.

It may start with calmly asking your child for the third (or tenth) time to put the iPad away.

And then suddenly, something snaps.

You grab it, shut it off, and hear yourself say -

“I’m going to throw this outside, so it’s not a problem anymore.”

The room goes still.

Your teenage rolls his eyes, your other kids look at you wide-eyed, a little startled.

And then it hits, the brutal gut punch of mom guilt.

Not because the rule was wrong and they needed to turn it off. But because this wasn’t how you wanted to handle it.

The Darkness That Follows

The mom guilt doesn’t just sting. It settles like a weight you just can’t shake.

Your stomach tightens. You feel sick because you feel like you just went against your values.

“That’s not who I wanted to be today.”

And then your mind starts spinning.

“Why did I snap? Why couldn’t I stay calm? Why do I always end up here?”

You start to question not just the moment, but yourself.

“Maybe I’m not patient enough. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe my kids will carry this with them.”

The shame hits because you know they’re watching. You want them to learn emotional control yet you just modeled the exact opposite.

“What if I’m teaching them to lose their temper too?”

Even when you try to repair it with an apology or an explanation, the guilt doesn’t always go away.

It lingers quietly in the back of your mind, waiting for bedtime when your brain replays it all again.

“Was that enough? Did I confuse them? Do they think I’m mad at them? Should I say more tomorrow?”

You plan, you overthink, and you troubleshoot, all while still carrying that silent thought - “You should have done better.”

And it doesn’t feel like one isolated moment. It feels like a pattern. A guilt spiral you don’t want but can’t seem to shake.

Where Mom Guilt Really Comes From

Mom guilt isn’t just about the moment, it’s what the moment represents. Imperfection.

Every time you lose your cool, it collides with the impossible standard you’ve set for yourself.

You’re chasing a version of motherhood that’s part old story, part new pressure.

• The mom who stays calm, present, and patient.

• The mom who cooks from scratch, works, keeps the house running, helps with homework and still has the energy to play.

• The mom who shields her kids from anything that might affect their mental health.

• The mom who never repeats the mistakes she saw growing up, even though those patterns sit quietly in her mind.

• The mom who always says and does the right thing.

And then there’s the constant comparison.

The endless scroll of smiling faces, perfect vacations, colour-coordinated birthday parties, and kids who seem to obey the first time.

You know it’s not the whole picture, but it chips away at you anyway.

Every “perfect” image becomes one more quiet thought.

“Look how well they’re doing. Why can’t you do that too?”

Because you love your kids deeply, the parenting guilt doesn’t just feel like a failure.

It feels like a threat.

“If I keep messing this up, will it affect who they become long-term?”

That’s why the guilt spiral feels so heavy.

It’s not about one moment.

It’s about the pressure of carrying every moment perfectly, all the time.

The G.R.O.W. Guilt Reset. 4 Steps to Break the Guilt Spiral

Here’s a simple framework you can use the next time parenting guilt hits

G - Grab the Moment

Before you spiral, pause and grab exactly what happened. Be specific, not general like "I'm a bad mom."

“I snapped and grabbed the iPad. That’s what’s bothering me.”

According to research from UCLA (Lieberman et al., 2007), labelling your emotions reduces emotional reactivity and calms your brain’s stress response.

R - Reality Check

Ask yourself: Was this truly harmful?

Did I make a parenting mistake, or am I holding myself to an impossible standard?

Yes, maybe I lost my cool, but was I also exhausted, overwhelmed, or carrying 50 other things at that moment? No, this is not making excuses. It is being human. Owning a misstep doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.

O - Own What You Did Right

Look at what you did right.

Did you catch yourself?

Did you apologize or explain later?

Did you reflect on how you want to handle it next time?

According to Breines and Chen (2012), self-compassion leads to stronger motivation for personal growth than self-criticism does.

W - Write It Off

End the cycle by releasing yourself from perfection.

Say the following out loud.

“I made a mistake. I'm human. I’m learning. I love my kids, and they love me. I forgive myself.”

The Choice That Changes Everything

Mom guilt will show up; it’s normal and seemingly unavoidable.

But you get to decide what it becomes. You have a choice.

It can either chain you to the false belief that you’re failing.

Or it can remind you that you care deeply enough to want to grow.

You don’t need to parent perfectly to raise great kids.

You need to own your moments consciously, learn from them, and show your kids how to do the same.

That’s what breaks the guilt spiral, and what builds resilience in both you and your kids.

Before You Overthink Tonight

I created the 3-Night Email Reset to help you break the loop of overthinking that follows you to bed.

In just 3 short, simple nights, you’ll learn how to release the parenting guilt, calm your brain, and finally give yourself the mental space you need to breathe again.

Grab your free 3-Night Email Reset here and start clearing the mental clutter tonight.